Thursday, August 28, 2008

Christ Crackers: Get them while they're holy!

A year ago, I found a website where you can order those communion wafers they use in Catholic church services. I ordered a big bag of them and printed up a label on my computer and stuck them on the bag. Now whenever I have Catholic friends over, I can break out the Christ Crackers and serve them up with a bit of wine. The Catholics love it! Why, one of them even broke out his own item (holy water) and sprayed it at me. Damn did that burn.

So I took the idea to a marketing expert, and he helped me find a place to manufacture the crackers ourselves and turn it into a huge product. He felt the name didn’t stick, and instead suggested Jeezus Peezus for the smaller wafers, and for the bigger wafers, Chunks-O-Jesus.

Once we grew the company, we started noticing a common complaint, that the Chunks-o-Jesus and the Jeezus Peezus were not staying crispy when dunked in various liquids such as wine or milk (or a mixture thereof). So we reformulated the product and then introduced our latest brand that stays fresh even after wine-dipping, called Crispy Christ-ees.

And what can I say, these are a huge hit. People everywhere are trying to get their hands and tongue on the yummy tasty body of Jesus.

Chrispy Christ-ees. Save Yourself (a trip to the grocery store and order them online today)!


(c) copyright 2008 Jeffrey Mark. Copy at your own risk, as ye shall burn in hell, oh heathen.
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4 comments:

Agnostic Anarch said...

Say... can you add a cheese flavor like those goldfish?

JESUS!

Now with CHEESES!!


~AA

Jeffrey Mark (author, Christian No More) said...

Yeah, right now they taste like cooked human flesh (OBVIOUSLY!), but we do have plans in the works to add new flavors. I'll let our product development team know that somebody requested cheese flavor. (By the way, if you sprinkle some myrrh on them they taste quite nummy dipped in port-wine cheese instead of just plain wine.)

unique_stephen said...

You could do a spicy version - hotter than hell..

Anonymous said...

This post is old-but those are just blank "hosts." They've not been infected yet by the "holy" Catholic rituals-- hey isn't that what happens to hosts? They get taken over by parasites, right?